Busy week

I feel like I should post because I haven't in awhile, but I really don't have a whole lot to say. On Sunday night I finally made it to our post-high school group at my church called Ecclesia. It's part of the whole emerging church group, and I really liked it a lot. This band played who were awesome, they are called Kepano Green. They used to lead worship at our church but moved out to California where all the really cool pastors and actual good Christian bands seem to go. They came out with a new CD which I want to get now, and it just made me feel really good inside, like energized for the week to come. I saw a bunch of people I used to know from high school and spent some time after the service was over talking with them. That was kind of strange because we have all changed so much from high school. But it was good as well.

Now I am in the thick of things at school, one of my groups will start tomorrow, and I hope everything goes well. I have to work at Barnes and Noble tonight, and I'm feeling rather tired, but it always goes by fast. I am going to Champaign this Friday for a class and then staying the weekend at my sister's house for her birthday on Friday. I finished American Gods by Neil Gaimon (awesome book), and have started Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norrell, which is really good so far, but uber long (over 700 pages). It makes me want to write again.

Whoosh!

Another busy week. This one was fun because I had a lot more interaction with the students. There were a lot of happenings. One boy got into trouble for bringing a chain to school and threatening to harm one of the police officer liaison (not a good idea--he has the gun), and got arrested and hospitalized while we tried to figure out if it was part of his disability or not. Then, another of our students got into a fight with a boy at school and was suspended and now needs a placement as well for awhile. And a girl kept coming in to her office, really darling, who was really broken up over the break-up with her boyfriend, so we were talking with her about that. In the elementary level, we were dealing with a boy who was bullying some other kids, and the principal was gone, so we got to talk with him for awhile. I felt all exhausted by the end of the week with having to fix every one else's problems. It definitely is somewhat of an emotionally draining job, because I get so caught up in everyone else's problems. This weekend, all I felt like doing was reading American Gods by Neil Gaimon (good so far) and going to see Just Like Heaven (starring Reese Witherspoon and my fav. Mark Ruffalo). It was a really cute movie if you want something pretty cheesy and a little loose on the plot, but they were both so cute in it that you had to love it anyway. I worked my 8 1/2 shift yesterday at B and N and discovered a girl there who I have a lot in common with. She's a Christian, too, and about my age, and we were both English/French double majors in college and studied abroad for a semester in France. I think we will try to hang out some, she seems really cool.

On the bad side, what with meeting all these new people, I'm really discovering that I have a hard time revealing myself to people. Like, I feel like I have two personas, one I present to most of the world, and one a select few have managed to find their way into. I really shut people out, I think more than a lot of people do, and I'm trying to figure out how to be more open so I can make more friends here. I think vulnerability is important in friendships, and I have not been vulnerable with most people lately. There's some things I have been struggling with that I haven't shared with anyone, and I keep thinking maybe I should, but then when it comes down to it, I can't say a word. I think most of my problem why I have been feeling so alienated from other people is that I have not been feeling close to God. I really have not been feeling like God loves me, and if I can't get the necessary charge I need from him to function well in life, then I shut down, and I shut out others as well. I really need to start reading my Bible again and everything, but it's this struggle every time, like I'm almost scared to talk to God because I'm feeling kind of let down by him. Please, have patience with me, Lord.

Tonight I'm going to the emerging generation group with my friends Patty and Willie for the first time since I've been back (missing the Simpsons! That's dedication), so we'll see how that goes, and Patty definitely said she would go on the retreat with me in October, so I hope that goes well and I meet some interesting people.

Labour day weekend

So, my weekend was very low key. I stayed home on Friday night, took my grandma around shopping on Saturday, had a cookout with my family Saturday night and then wrote my first paper for my class this semester, went to church on Sunday and then worked 8 1/2 hours at Barnes and Noble, and then on Monday, went shopping with my fam and worked in the evening. My mom bought me a pair of black pants at the Gap outlet on Monday, so that was kind of the highlight of my weekend. Having now lost 30 pounds on Weight Watchers, it is nice to have a pair of pants that fit well. I've gone down 2 dress sizes now. But I still feel like I don't look much different, although people are starting to notice, which is flattering. I feel like I'm kind of getting consumed with losing the rest of the weight that I want to. I haven't been feeling like a very good person recently.

It was hard going back to work today, though all I did was watch a second grade classroom, in particular a boy with aspergers, and an early elementary program catering to children in special education. It was interesting watching the children, they were actually pretty cute. In the early childhood program, these two boys were playing house together, and one was carrying around this little baby doll and feeding it a bottle while the other boy was "cooking" fake food and serving it to the other boy and the baby. It was really cute.

Quick Post

So you don't all think I'm dead. I have been very busy between my internship and working at B and N. I feel like every down minute I have I am either running, reading, or sleeping (mmmm, sleep.) I am only here right now at the library because I have an assignment due for my class this Sunday at midnight, and needed to get information on the assignment plus look up three scholarly articles to write it. It looks like a lot of work, and I don't have tomorrow off like I normally will because I agreed to go and do the pre-school screening with my social worker. I will be watching her due some social/emotional skills and adaptive behavior questions with the parent, and then I will be conducting my own interviews with them. I am kind of excited about it. So far, I have seen a lot of meetings, I have seen my social worker meet with a couple of students for couseling, and I have observed a boy with autism to see what triggers his outbursts, what seems to work after he has outbursts, and what doesn't seem to work. I had to drive to Champaign last Friday for my first class (of which I got up at 4:45!!!!!!!!!! Way too early!), and my sister and her husband and his brother and friend came up last weekend for a wedding. I feel like I have done nothing fun lately. But I am really enjoying my internship. I think I will be a good school social worker.