Whoosh!

Another busy week. This one was fun because I had a lot more interaction with the students. There were a lot of happenings. One boy got into trouble for bringing a chain to school and threatening to harm one of the police officer liaison (not a good idea--he has the gun), and got arrested and hospitalized while we tried to figure out if it was part of his disability or not. Then, another of our students got into a fight with a boy at school and was suspended and now needs a placement as well for awhile. And a girl kept coming in to her office, really darling, who was really broken up over the break-up with her boyfriend, so we were talking with her about that. In the elementary level, we were dealing with a boy who was bullying some other kids, and the principal was gone, so we got to talk with him for awhile. I felt all exhausted by the end of the week with having to fix every one else's problems. It definitely is somewhat of an emotionally draining job, because I get so caught up in everyone else's problems. This weekend, all I felt like doing was reading American Gods by Neil Gaimon (good so far) and going to see Just Like Heaven (starring Reese Witherspoon and my fav. Mark Ruffalo). It was a really cute movie if you want something pretty cheesy and a little loose on the plot, but they were both so cute in it that you had to love it anyway. I worked my 8 1/2 shift yesterday at B and N and discovered a girl there who I have a lot in common with. She's a Christian, too, and about my age, and we were both English/French double majors in college and studied abroad for a semester in France. I think we will try to hang out some, she seems really cool.

On the bad side, what with meeting all these new people, I'm really discovering that I have a hard time revealing myself to people. Like, I feel like I have two personas, one I present to most of the world, and one a select few have managed to find their way into. I really shut people out, I think more than a lot of people do, and I'm trying to figure out how to be more open so I can make more friends here. I think vulnerability is important in friendships, and I have not been vulnerable with most people lately. There's some things I have been struggling with that I haven't shared with anyone, and I keep thinking maybe I should, but then when it comes down to it, I can't say a word. I think most of my problem why I have been feeling so alienated from other people is that I have not been feeling close to God. I really have not been feeling like God loves me, and if I can't get the necessary charge I need from him to function well in life, then I shut down, and I shut out others as well. I really need to start reading my Bible again and everything, but it's this struggle every time, like I'm almost scared to talk to God because I'm feeling kind of let down by him. Please, have patience with me, Lord.

Tonight I'm going to the emerging generation group with my friends Patty and Willie for the first time since I've been back (missing the Simpsons! That's dedication), so we'll see how that goes, and Patty definitely said she would go on the retreat with me in October, so I hope that goes well and I meet some interesting people.